Magical

"Glitter falling from the sky," he described yesterday's scene and, indeed, today glitter falls from the sky. As sunlight catches snowflakes drifting off the roof, the snowflakes become glitter from the celestial Shaker, creating a magical scene. This extraordinary and beautiful sight seemed to gently enter our world from another.
This reminded me of a scene in Boyhood where the protagonist asks his dad about magic. “Dad, there’s no real magic in the world, right? Like, this second, there’s no elves in the world, right?” The dad responds by describing magical whales and admitting elves do not exist. The other-worldly behavior of whales is magical but I still prefer John's response: "we're not aware of elves in the world but that doesn't mean they don't exist."
I wonder how we foster a sense of magical thinking in children and in ourselves. Perhaps more accurate adjectives would be "extraordinary" and "fantastic." Do we quickly dismiss suggestions of things that simply cannot be such as elves and glitter falling from the sky? Cannot another world enter and impact our world? Is the sacrifice of Christ not extraordinary? Truly, many consider the gospel fantastic to the point of being fanciful and outlandish.
Our faith is at odds with our daily living when we no longer see God's handiwork around us. I believe God entered this world and, in His perfect life and death, paid the penalty for my sin. If I can believe something as outlandish as that, I can bend my mind to recognize God's fanciful glitter on a sunny winter's morn. In anticipating the extraordinary, we more quickly testify to God at work around us.

Introducing a new look

For faithful (or even occasional) readers of this site, you'll notice a couple changes. These have been made in anticipation of more to come. Perhaps you've heard me talk about the book I'm writing. I'm taking a look at sibling loss and the hope that God provides to surviving siblings. I've been collecting stories from other surviving siblings to share in this book, endeavoring to encourage other siblings who are journeying through loss. I may showcase some of that writing on this site.
The next step in my writing process involves reaching out to potential agents with a goal of publishing this book with a traditional publisher. With that in mind, I've given this site a facelift and invite your feedback. As the top of this website indicates, I'd like to involve you in dialogue about the issues about which I write. Or, what issues are on your heart? I'd love to delve into those and perhaps even offer guest blog posts!
As always, thanks for reading and for being YOU!

a quote

Don't stumble on something that's behind you.
~on the wall of the Great Falls Rescue Mission

& today I'm walking kinda funny

After I lost it yesterday, I went to the gym to work off steam. I squatted five sets of 10 reps each. Today I'm unable to walk upright. I'm pretty sure I overextended my back in an attempt to maintain my lumbar curve. That may sound like gobbledy-gook to you. The long and short of it is that my back REALLY hurts today. In researching my overextension issue (& leaning forward issue, too), I came across this gem:

"Chances are you’ll Squat less weight after trying to fix your lean forward with the above tips. This can be hard on your ego and it’s tempting to go back to Squatting by leaning forward so you get your regular weight and reps. But you’ll never stop leaning forward if you keep doing it."
Read more: http://stronglifts.com/squat/lean-forward/

How applicable is this to the rest of life? We want to keep pushing because we've successfully accomplished something in the past. When we realize we need to back up and course-correct, we want to keep pushing at the same intensity in the same manner. Problem is that this approach will probably land us right where we started. My ego will take a hit re-learning proper technique but I'll be stronger and so much better off if I slow it down and do things properly now.

today, i lost it

today, i lost it. i positively, absolutely had a melt-down. you'd probably expect that of my 20 month old daughter but not today. we went to Barnes & Noble with a friend and her three year old daughter. miriam was pulling things off shelves faster than i could put them back. we should have left then. instead, i tried to stick it out and make this rare get-together work. we sat on the floor, reading a book together until miriam ripped the page out of the book. at that point, i picked up my purse, swooped miriam under one arm, and grabbed the torn book with my free hand, marching all of us up to the front counter. i paid for the book and my sweet friend tried to redeem the visit with a quick catch-up as we stood by the exit. i could feel tears invading my eyes and begged her forgiveness for not being up to a visit at that point.
as we sat in the car, hot tears streamed down my face. why was this so damn hard? why did i bother even going to Barnes & Noble where i knew miriam would be a train wreck? when would i get a chance for proper adult interaction? why couldn't my kid just get it together and listen when i told her, "no?"
as we drove home, things only got worse. we went inside and i let miriam do whatever she wanted while i curled up in the fetal position on my bed and cried. so dramatic, i know. i also know i'm not the only mom who feels this way, despising her precious off-spring who seems to hi-jack my every social plan. i wish there was some revelation i could share. i'd like to begin course-correcting now because i saw an ugly side to myself this morning that i don't want to encounter again. miriam responds to my anger and it isn't pretty. i don't want her to learn that from me. there are so many better things i can pass on to her.
so often, we want to wrap up our lives in a pretty package for all to see and admire. we want to present our many accomplishments for the world to appreciate. and so often, life just doesn't work out that way. life is messy, it's not always pretty. and who benefits from pretty packages, anyway? not me because i'm creating an illusion. not the world because they're seeing something that doesn't really exist. i suppose it's better to be authentic, let others see my messiness, confess, receive forgiveness, change course, and know that through it all, i'm loved.