When I get mad, I generally like to spew forth the sundry incidents that put me in such a state. Today, for example, lustful, reproachful, confused stares from young men and old women, alike, threaten to undo me. And if the stares don't send me into hysterics, it might very well be two groups of "fresh off the plane" Americans, marveling that we drink the water and eat the vegetables here. I want to scream, "I live here. This is my normal life, just like you live yours in America." But then I hear, "And, oh, aren't those cows darling and wouldn't it be nice to have them in Manhattan?" and I realize screaming would be both uncivilized and misinterpreted, to be sure.
Amazingly, we actually do not live in two different worlds; the stare-ers, fops, and I all live in exactly the same world. They have their angry moments and triggers, just as I have mine.
The real point, however, comes from John Eldredge's recent book, Walking with God, in which Eldredge encourages his readers to observe why we experience strong negative emotions. We have to shepherd our hearts through life's journey. If we allow our hearts to go unshepherded, we quickly become battered and bruised with no understanding of how it happened and how to prevent it from happening again. God loves us. He regenerates our hearts and leads us on life's journey to shepherd our hearts Himself. When we are exposed to negative emotions and spiritual attacks, that junk rubs off on us. What have I been up to, what have I been doing in the past 48 hours that might have caused this anger? Time to shepherd the heart a bit, inviting God to lead this process of understanding. That's it for now -- time to seek some understanding.
Comments
What a timely post for me to read! I'm sensitive because I'm overwhelmed with the stuff and waste everywhere. And I'm mad that I'm the weirdo. Where is my Bible?